Only on The Beach:
- An AARP TV ad features a 1979 Buzzcocks song called “Everybody’s Happy Nowadays” off Singles Going Steady, which includes the masturbation anthem “Orgasm Addict” and the rocker “Oh Shit!” Retirees sure ain’t listening to Lawrence Welk no more, huh? Follow the bouncing bowline as we chantey along: “Life's an illusion, love is a dream But I don't know what it is...
- After twenty years of convincing SouthCoasters that they want a casino, DUMass Center for Specious Statistics has once again released several of the first parts of an on-going multi-vacation package study of SouthCoasters and their love for slot machines (sometimes known as “stand-up scratch tickets”).
- It’s Ayn,Ann,Oin,En,The Rand’s birthday (if she can be said to have been “born”). Allow me to repeat her prophecy: "The upper classes are merely a nation's past; the middle class is its future." Yeah, that’s working out. Whether Angelina Jolie is starring in Atlas Shrugged Colon The Movie with the Same Name as the Book Nobody Ever Reads or not, anyone who smugly claims that acting out of self interest is more rational than acting to help fellow shipmates is just plain wrong. "Rational" I guess, because you can rationalize putting on your “I’m Rational” hat and worshipping at the altar of inhumanity, greed, selfishness, and lazy, unimaginative fear. I can surely avoid the illiterates on EntertainMeTV deifying Rand when the dross gets poured.
- Lauren Nelson, University of Central Oklahoma student and new Miss America, said in her “speak, speak, good girl” portion of the Miss America conetest: “I think by being a good role model, by being a Miss America, somebody that shows that women are strong and that they can succeed in this, in our society, I think by being a good role model we can change that.” Miss Rhode Island, Allison Rogers, a nationally-known environmental advocate, manager of Harvard’s Green Living program, and National Wildlife Federation functionary, travels around teaching school kids about global climate change. The perky but paranoid (can you get any more American?) Nelson spends her days online looking for sneaky 40-year-olds on MySpace, or something like that.
- Remember my rant about cultural literacy? The Starbucks thing, and how nobody around here has any idea who Amy Sedaris is? Well, it’s not just the SouthCoast. Apparently only two people over the age of 20 in Boston have ever heard of the arduous AquaTeenHungerFarce, an uneven series of slow-burn “Gee this would be funny if I were stoned” gags on late-night CartoonTeeVee. Publicity stunt. Product Visibilities. Set up a couple of ill-prepared mumble-mouths who can’t carry a joke in a bag to run a poorly-contrived diversion and get the story on every possible media. Mission Accomplished.
- Oh, and at the same time, there actually were two pipe bombs found in an office at Tufts-New England Medical Center, where my kidney crew is. They’re okay. Egos, not so much.