Friday, February 2, 2007

Soles'n'Bowls

Only on The Beach:

  • An AARP TV ad features a 1979 Buzzcocks song called “Everybody’s Happy Nowadays” off Singles Going Steady, which includes the masturbation anthem “Orgasm Addict” and the rocker “Oh Shit!” Retirees sure ain’t listening to Lawrence Welk no more, huh? Follow the bouncing bowline as we chantey along: “Life's an illusion, love is a dream But I don't know what it is...
  • After twenty years of convincing SouthCoasters that they want a casino, DUMass Center for Specious Statistics has once again released several of the first parts of an on-going multi-vacation package study of SouthCoasters and their love for slot machines (sometimes known as “stand-up scratch tickets”).
  • It’s Ayn,Ann,Oin,En,The Rand’s birthday (if she can be said to have been “born”). Allow me to repeat her prophecy: "The upper classes are merely a nation's past; the middle class is its future." Yeah, that’s working out. Whether Angelina Jolie is starring in Atlas Shrugged Colon The Movie with the Same Name as the Book Nobody Ever Reads or not, anyone who smugly claims that acting out of self interest is more rational than acting to help fellow shipmates is just plain wrong. "Rational" I guess, because you can rationalize putting on your “I’m Rational” hat and worshipping at the altar of inhumanity, greed, selfishness, and lazy, unimaginative fear. I can surely avoid the illiterates on EntertainMeTV deifying Rand when the dross gets poured.
  • Lauren Nelson, University of Central Oklahoma student and new Miss America, said in her “speak, speak, good girl” portion of the Miss America conetest: “I think by being a good role model, by being a Miss America, somebody that shows that women are strong and that they can succeed in this, in our society, I think by being a good role model we can change that.” Miss Rhode Island, Allison Rogers, a nationally-known environmental advocate, manager of Harvard’s Green Living program, and National Wildlife Federation functionary, travels around teaching school kids about global climate change. The perky but paranoid (can you get any more American?) Nelson spends her days online looking for sneaky 40-year-olds on MySpace, or something like that.
  • Remember my rant about cultural literacy? The Starbucks thing, and how nobody around here has any idea who Amy Sedaris is? Well, it’s not just the SouthCoast. Apparently only two people over the age of 20 in Boston have ever heard of the arduous AquaTeenHungerFarce, an uneven series of slow-burn “Gee this would be funny if I were stoned” gags on late-night CartoonTeeVee. Publicity stunt. Product Visibilities. Set up a couple of ill-prepared mumble-mouths who can’t carry a joke in a bag to run a poorly-contrived diversion and get the story on every possible media. Mission Accomplished.
  • Oh, and at the same time, there actually were two pipe bombs found in an office at Tufts-New England Medical Center, where my kidney crew is. They’re okay. Egos, not so much.

7 comments:

Dr. Momentum said...

I am pretty much alone among my friends advocating for this casino idea.

I was dead set against a casino until I saw the effect of the two in CT In a perfect world we'd be talking about building museums and libraries.

I wish this were a perfect world. No companies seem to be keen on investing in this area, and we're all but forgotten by the state.

If you're against a casino in this area, however, I have a secret belief that will console you. They will pass the necessary laws and build 2 casinos -- on in western MA and one near or in Boston.

And people will continue to hold their noses as they drive through here on the way to the Cape. That's my honest prediction.

If we're lucky, they'll build a big land fill.

Dr. Momentum said...

Wow - could I fit more typos into a post?

ThirdMate said...

Feel free to continue trying.

I'm not against the successful, well-maintained casino with good jobs, local seafood, great acts, and cultural adjacencies where folks who "wouldn't normally go to a casino" enjoy their stay. I am, however, against the generic, no-class cinderblock buildings with the chain food court and cover bands in the lounge and a neon whale for "local flavor" while local retirees blow their savings indiscriminately because they're fooled into believing they're "helping the local economy."

Karie said...

In truth, isn't it the Asian investors who really make most of the money in these endeavors?

Julie said...

I unwittingly taped an hour of channel 5's "bomb scare" coverage that day in place of my regularly scheduled soap opera, then watched it this weekend. I was struck by three things (actually more than three, but these were the big ones):

1. They never, ever showed one of the "devices" during the one hour of coverage. At one point, the helicopter got pretty close, but not close enough to show it clearly. If they had, they would have immediately been flooded with calls from people who recognized it as a Mooninite and/or had seen a similar sign during a recent visit to another city.

2. They kept making a big deal out of Boston's previous brush with terrorism, i.e., the hijacked planes had departed from Logan and that's why people there were so "cautious." This doesn't explain why the similar "devices" that had been placed in NY attracted minimal attention, unless people seriously think that Boston somehow got it worse than NY on 9/11.

3. During the coverage, they repeatedly said "we want to assure you that there is no danger, and that's why we're staying on the air." Actually, the way to do that would have been to return to normal programming, with a crawl explaining that there was no danger, and an announcement during commercial breaks. By continuing the coverage even after they decided there was no danger, they made a much bigger deal of it than was necessary.

(I didn't miss my soap, btw. Knowing that the local stations will interrupt daytime programming at the drop of a hat, and having a surplus of functioning VCRs, I tape my bad habit on both the Boston AND Providence stations. Just in case.)

ThirdMate said...

Helicopter?
I wonder if they're putting in to be reimbursed out of the Turner $2million.

Julie said...

Yeah, it was the channel 5 traffic copter. When the cops, or whoever, were trying to get a "device" off of an overpass. The traffic copter went in for a closer look. You could ALMOST see what it was... but not quite.