Monday, March 19, 2007

(updated)These are the morons in my neighborhood...

I have a terrible picture (above, from my phone) of the site of an act of vandalism. But, the sun was ahead of the photographer, and a truck was parked to hide the crime. (I won't call it graffiti because graffiti is an art form, and often shows at least some thought.) There's a better photo below.
The above photo itself is of the new CV Variety, an under-construction new restaurant/variety store/filling station in my immediate environs. This new convenience is taking the place of a much-beloved 1950's-era trans fat festival called Dairy Chief, of which I have stolen a pic from the Standard-Times to show you here:When I first experienced "the Chief," I thought, "What genius installed this brilliant performance art piece? A great idea! Hire ugly fat people and their kids to dress up like trailer trash and smear runny goo all over their spotty faces to exhibit the post-world-war excesses of the "new" suburban lifestyle. I've done historical interpretation and costumed re-enactments, but this is too perfect."
"Too perfect," indeed. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that these "people" are my Beachmates! And this carefully-deconstructed anachronistic pig wallow was a local institution. Very Americana: picnic benches, gravel lot, garish lighting. You can't see the shabby system of cobbled-together shacks and trailers housing the frying apparati that made the nearby Dunkin Donuts smell like onion rings, even in the off-season. I've also mercifully spared you an image of the usual throngs of overweight mouth-breathers clustering around the take-out windows complaining about some "obstinant" or "belligerate" personnel.
Apparently, after a green beer last Saturday night, someone scrawled, spray-painted whatever, on the brand new clapboard siding. "You Call This Dartmouth PriDE?" The question mark is most telling in its filigreed enhancement. Someone was proud of their handiwork. They were making a statement. They were complaining, already. Getting a jump on the local pastime of pissing and moaning about something new for no good reason. And they want the world to know that the politically-insensitive ramshackle craptasy that was Dairy Chief will NOT be replaced by this new-fangled monstrosity of clean lines, careful landscaping, tasteful decor. No, no. None of them faggotty-ass cloth napkins and metal forks for Dartmouth. Because, as we can plainly read, Dartmouth is proud of its knuckledragging ignorance and its bone-headed lack of logic and polish. After all, this is the community that insisted that a wounded police officer doesn't deserve compensation from the town. And that its library doesn't deserve funding. Or doesn't mind losing $750,000 over the last 10 years giving away tax breaks. My heart goes out to Chris (Hemingway) of CV Variety. He actually still believes in this beach, and I respect his perseverance, resolve, and enviable aplomb. He's been shoved and ridiculed for this since word got out that he was acquiring the site. These are the dum-dums who can't operate a four-way stop.
Although there has been no call to arms, and H.M.S. Impossible is not an armed vessel (hence the "H.M.S." not "H.M.A.V."), if I have to drag the twelve-pounders down to Russell's Mills Road, so be it. I will continue to be proud to fill up, buy stuff, and eat at the establishment of anyone with so much faith in our community. It might be a lesson to me.
and just so you don't think I'll ever go soft on the Beach, here's this:


karie said...

Thank you. Well said.
I wonder if they have made any headway on catching that criminal.

Hey, you did LEAVE OUT the D-Chief's obnoxious loudspeaker over which they shout-mumbled a number when your "food" was ready, polluting the entire neighborhood with a simply awful noise...won't miss that. THE VIDEO TOTALLY MADE UP FOR IT, THOUGH.

ThirdMate said...

Actually, that noise was better than most local radio.