Tuesday, February 5, 2008

$uper Fat Tuesday!

WASHINGTON — President Bush submitted a federal budget of $3.1 trillion on Monday, declaring that the spending plan would keep the United States safe and prosperous and, despite the astronomical numbers, adhere to his principle of letting Americans keep as much of their own money as possible.

When I submit my household budget to the cats every fiscal year, I'm careful to let them know that, even though some expenditures may seem like extravagant luxuries ("You wanna give HOW MUCH to the Buttonwood Zoo? Let them hunt for their own food. They're outside, aren't they?"), not a penny is wasted.
Our new "lock the door" policy has kept the transient vineyard workers from raiding the paint locker, so there's one expenditure assuredly diminished, also saving on transportation costs for the housekeeping staff's now-unnecessary packy runs. Also: installing a little money-saver like passive solar heating (Leave a cat in a window and then let her sit on your lap. Can't get more passive than that. -Al Gore). I've even toyed with the idea of installing geothermal power since I have actually gotten so damned angry at the current administration that at times I become an oscillating drill bit.
Of course, the United States budget is an entirely different, complex matter, since it can rely upon money garnered from completely non-existant sources. Unlike the Massachusetts budget, which includes moneys from yet-to-be-built casinos. Or the Fall River budget, which included moneys from yet-to-be-built breweries. That never get built.
Well, the U.S. Budget money doesn't come from nowhere. It comes from crazy. By way of China. Funny though... U.S. Americans get most of our consumer goods from China, so we pay them for that stuff now. And then at some point, as a nation, we'll have to pay back the money we, as a nation, are "borrowing" from them. So, as long as your grandchildren don't shop at WalMart, your family will only be paying the people who have destroyed our economy once for the privelege of buying cheap child-labor-made socks, three pairs to a bag.
Which eventually your grandchildren will be employed manufacturing in some sweatshop in New Bedford. See how we'll come out just fine? It's the Trickle All Over Your Leg thing ol' Mother Reagan used to prattle on about as he transitioned from Rand-inspired evil to dementia. But at least he established the now-honored American tradition of letting us keep our own money.
In the meantime, I urge everyone to practice for the upcoming fiscal challenge opportunities by "enjoying" every possible drop of Mardi Gras, and especially rehearse exposing yourself to get worthless baubles.
Unless you do that anyway.
Go vote. Where applicable.

1 comment:

karie said...

LOVE to vote!

(ALMOST as much as I love to laugh at your blog entries)