Thursday, March 20, 2008

Soles'n'Bowls

  • It's Spring. So why am I still fighting with the heating system? We're supposed to be lounging on the lido in shorts and caiparinhas.
  • Oh that's right. We're not in college.
  • At sea, the wireless serves a purpose. A very specific purpose as a source of information. Correct and reliable and appropriate information. Commercial entertainment radio is not that device that tells me the weather and allows me to call the harbormaster.
  • Keri Rodrigues, Program Director at WSAR, correctly claimed here that radio "evolves." The other correct term -- for PDs who try to change things in a static market, for instance -- is "innovate," and anyone who can breath any life into the calcified and putrefied fossil that is that AM in the A.M. radio must be appreciated. She's going to work the mornings.
  • I do not envy her.
  • Particularly since everybody's whining about how national radio revenues have been down every month since last Spring. (That's our national. Foreign language radio, like Spanish and British are doing just fine.)
  • And I wish she'd just destroy that racist piece of crap "AH-SO Red Sox!" promo. But you know what Burgess Meredith says about wishes.
  • Now, Mike Moran. You know, the bass player? Irish guy. Face for radio. Mike now writes a column in Fall River's Herald News, in what has to be the dumbest, most cynical move a media outlet has made since Rush Limbaugh got a teevee show.
  • The economic answer is that Mike will draw a Fall River-savvy, smarter demographic to a paper that is essentially a handle with which old timers hold the Irish sports pages.
  • The reason anybody listened to Mike on the radio was to hear his cleverly scrappy rejoinders, wise ripostes, nuanced nostalgia, and to see if he wouldn't bore the local illiterates with all his smarts. Entertaining enough, considering the thin material and deadweight "partner" he had to work with.
  • The charm of Mike's solo one-hour show was in his ability to "establish a reasonable perspective." During the lively and thoughtful conversation. Sometimes you could hear him change his position slightly, and then amend his position entirely. Something you never hear talk radio hosts do.
  • Decent columnists don't do that either. Columns cannot evolve. Once published, they are static, finished. You cannot amend them along with your reader. In a newspaper column, musing along with your reader is a hackneyed convention.
  • What made Mike an entertaining diversion on-air will make him, in black-and-white, a smug, pedantic expositor who thinks and writes better than the current Herald jackhole who writes low-brow columns to appeal to that demographic.
  • Plus all those nit-picking idiots who listened and sniffed rabidly at his every word to find some crumb of discrepancy to call on and relentlessly savage will be able to write nit-picking, smug, pedantic Letters to the Editor criminating Mike as an equivocating fraud.
  • Once there was a guy at WSAR named John Greenwood. You hear a lot of rumors about John, like how he's living on a ranch in Montana. That he took a picture of the Andrea Doria sinking. (But not the famous one.) Or that he's Bruce Campbell's cousin. Or that he would ask City Councillors questions out of a high school history book, just to show what morons they are. He left radio and ran a little local publication.
  • I don't know if John and Mike got along. Because Mike "doesn't hide his light under a bushel," and John was raised Quaker, so he says things like that.
  • According to Captain Wallbank's Almanack: "On Good Friday, we participate in the Stations of the Crosstrees and prepare the local rabbit warren for the appearance of their Savior, the Easter Bunny. Who, if he sees his shadow, forecasts six more months of baseball."
  • Peace.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

PEACE.

RadioKeri said...

It's going to be tough, but I'm going to give it a shot.

ThirdMate said...

Two stipulations:
(1) Hapless Hac should get a jolt from an electric cattle prod whenever he calls you "kid" or goes "heh, aw geez" when he doesn't get the joke, and
(2)The owners should pay you extra everytime he plays The Hollies "Hey Carrie Anne" coming out of a break.

RadioKeri said...

I've got it written into my contract that either, "Hey Carrie Anne" or "Long Cool Woman" is played, I'm to be compensated.

I drive a hard bargain ...