Tuesday, May 6, 2008

more Adventures in I Almost Knew Them

"In a misguided way I was trying to give her an opportunity to meet me and give myself an opportunity to meet her," said the defendant, who identified himself on the witness stand as Jackson William Leslie Jordan.
-- (AP) Jury in New York City convicts fan of stalking Uma Thurman
May 6, 2008
At the risk of incurring huge and horribly embarrassing lawsuits, allow me to relate a bit of fluff incurred when I had moved a big boat to Boston.
As many of you Shipmates know, some deckmeat likes to stay aboard when we tie off, re-reading the same books they had read while underway. I am not one of those crewmembers. A foreign port is new land, and one should indulge in whatever entertainments avail themselves on shore.
Depending on what straw you've pulled.
Back in the day, a certain order of enthusiastic businesspeople might find themselves at the dock seeking to engage members of the shore leave crew in entertaining diversions. Throwing the bones, purchasing a quaff, other indulgements, involving other, skilled practitioners.
Gone, however, are the days of "dockside fine and merry free girls." Especially nowadays when you have to buy tickets online in advance for the SeaSideMusicFest or whatever is going on. So you get to meet the good people of the community who are moved by the same spirit of intrigue.
On this one occasion last century, a comely lass, along with some friends, had braved the guards in order to "see the pirate ship." (oh yawn) She enthralled me with her chipper demeanor, abundant sable locks and sparkling eyes. Since I was due back on duty and my gentlemanly upbringing wouldn't allow a young lady to go unescorted at that time of night, we all killed time wandering up the pier to the street, talking story.
I don't know why the topic changed course, but my walking companion mentioned that she knew Uma Thurman.
I, too, knew of Uma. Well, as well as anybody else who had (at that time) seen Baron Munchhausen and her portrayal of Venus. (I couldn't find an adequate still of that, so here she is with Oliver Reed. Because I know another redhead who'll appreciate that.)That's her on the right. No, this girl knew her. As in: chums, pals... Apparently, Enchanting Inkylocks had grown up in Western Massachusetts, where Uma's Dad taught at some school there or other. (Yes, I know who he is, and where he taught. I have a handful of his Buddhism tracts. I kid because I'm trying my hand at "jackass.")
Enchanting Inkylocks' brother was a popular high school star athlete. You know, the good looking, smart kind. Letter-sweater-wearing All-State All-Conference Prom King and Every-Team Captain. The kind that had followers. Admirers.
The kind of admirers who would wait down at the end of the driveway just to stare dreamily and sigh at the famous luminary. You know, who might just hang around in order to catch a glance or word they might interpret as encouragement. The kind of admirer who might take advantage of a friendship with the sister of such a personage in order to "get closer" to him. To get an "opportunity," let's say. Even though the brother may not be particularly interested in the young, gawky, too-tall kid with the big feet.
Who would, one day, be mind-achingly pulchritudinous.
Must've been something in the water.

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