Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Obligatory KickFallRiverWhenIt'sDown post

Some "newspaper," with offices in what surely will soon be a walk-in-medical-center, had this story about the Commonwealth auditing Fall River "finances."
Seems that the former mayor had updated the "accounting" system to "random digits smeared on scraps of paper using greasy bones." Other administrations had used "knots tied in varying lengths of rope." But this is how things are done in Fall River. The strange ways of outsiders just don't work. Due to the Quequechan Indian curse that makes settlers mistake "dopey arrogance" for "leadership ability."
The newly-ascended mayor drove another nail in the last one's hob-nailed coffin by suggesting an audit. The last mayor tap-danced around his "office" at the Dartmouth University of Massachusetts (D.U.Mass) and responded that he had "audited the City all the time, like just last week or something, so why have some outsiders look at the books? And besides, some big-shot Boston auditors wouldn't understand our special Fall Riffic system of numberiness."
Here's where I link to a wicked funny pdf: The state auditor finally did get a look at the "books" and laughed and laughed and laughed until saying some stern made-up words, most beginning with "un-" or "in-" like "un-auditable."
If anyone accidentally happens upon this journal -- anyone with a genuine interest in Fall River -- it might seem that I don't care for the former Troy.
Pandemic mediocrity in individual personal habits, professional management, community leadership, educational endeavors, and civic responsibility? All forgiven and excused and maintained through widespread mistakenly-reasoned rationalizations and a false sense of "pride"?
What's not to love ?


karie said...


4 "un" and 2 "in" words, in ONE sentence (3rd paragraph in the 2nd link.)

I sure hope they can pull it together. That is a town full of people who deserve a whole lot better than that.

(Your post DID make me laugh though. Well crafted!)

ThirdMate said...

That's because you work in New Bedford, where fiscal malfeasance exists mostly in the tortured psychoses of paranoid conspiracy theorist jackholes who write letters to the editor, publish crappy vanity mags, call talk radio, and have vulgar racist xenophobic websites.

Fall River doesn't know how lucky it is to be largely illiterate.

Lefty said...

Of course this has gotten even more fun (or disgusting, depressing and sobering depending on how you view your politics)now that the former mayor is claiming factual errors with the audit and offering some proof.

ThirdMate said...

Thanks for hopping aboard, Lefty!

I'm just waiting for Lambert to claim that Mitchell left some discrepancies from Dan Bogan that were left over from Carlton and Driscoll and so on...

Anyone with a morbid need to watch this shake out should check Lefty's compendium Fall River blog at ( http://www.fallriverblog.com/ ) or Lefty's own excellent A View From Battleship Cove ( http://aviewfrombattleshipcove.blogspot.com/).

(Attempted HTML cleverness scuttled my original response, so "Sorry" to anyone with follow-up mail.)