Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Forty Celebrations of Lent Continue...

(being a preparation for next year's actual 40 Celebrations Celebration) from the celebrated Wallbank's Celebration of Celebrations:
Certainly, every ship's carpenter knows that today is Saint Joseph's Day, the anniversary of the day when Saint Joseph -- without an aspirin, even a children's aspirin -- saved the island of Sicily from a terrible drought and famine. The people of Sicily, skilled laborers all, had built tiered altars in a final desperate bid to entreat heathen and pagan deities, so desperate were they. Scoffers will insist that the people of Sicily, once in that prayerful and contemplative mindset, were better equipped to deal with climatic anomalies and then remembered that this was the time of year when the rains came after a long dry spell, and so they planted fava beans and the rains came and they had a big banquet, which was at that time very similar to "Chianti Nite" at the Olive Garden. Except with those hard-ass gennetti cookies that taste like anise. Not zeppoli, the other ones.
The citizens of San Juan Capistrano welcome back their warm-weather feathered accompanists on this day. Your Captain doesn't particularly care for birds annoying and noisy, so the less said about this celebration of migratory patterns, the better.
Of course, today is the day which commemorates the way Americans look at their governance: on cable television with drinking games involving legislators uttering a certain common word or phrase. Like "Take a Long Draw on Your Hoegaarden Every Time Barney Frank Says, 'Well, now look...'" It's the Thirtieth Anniversary of C-SPAN! So, crank up the ol' RCA Victor over by the conversation pit and make sure that you watch some Senators yell at some CEOs, bankers, or insurance industry operatives while everything else goes to hell. Celebrate C-SPAN

30 is old

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