Thursday, May 14, 2009

it's All Happening At once !

Once again, New Bedford's embattled Downtown has folded the calendar into a wormhole-like funnel that takes every possible event of the month of May and creates a singularity of eventness that can only be described by the initialated hoministic acronym we New Bedtards know as AHA!
(I will admit that the term "New Bedtard" is an oddly satisfying one for me. I don't mind it. I will not, however, wear a T-shirt with the term emblazoned on it, although I suspect that the hipsters will do. I believe that I first heard a coworker say it sometime last century when AHA! first began. He waved his furry paw at the growing crowd of downtown businessers who had nothing but wild-eyed enthusiasm for the Whaling City, and sniffed, "New Bed-TARDS." And I continued glowing proudly at the growing crowd that was milling about looking for whatever free food they could scrounge. In the early days, mercantilers would leave out food to attract shoppers, so that's what AHA! meant at the time: A lot of Hot Appetizers!)
Now, I should footnote this digression with a brief anecdotal explanation of the history of food served at multiple-program art events. According to Wallbank's Compendium of Knowledge:

The earliest recorded "art opening" was held at
the Altamira Community Arts Center in 49,094 B.C.E. It was a lovely Thorsday evening, just before bear-thirty. Percussionists Umh and Lunh L'odd provided musical accompaniment to the wallpainting installation work of D'errh Keh, who had just begun to instigate his provocative "Man-Arrow-Deer" period. Local wristlet manufacturer Paggah Tuk bartered with other cave residents for livestock parts, and hunter-gatherers drank the juice of nearby berries that had been left in stone crevasses in the sun. But I wanted to go to the flint tool demo!The conversation was generally subdued, and mostly referred to the day's hunt and how Ge'tah Duhl seemed to have gotten somehow inexplicably shapelier since her last album hadn't done as well as expected.
AHA! has adopted, adapted, and improved on that original design, to the point that the above crudely-drawn depiction of events has grown to this handy reference guide to all the goings-on tonight in the Whaling City:621 events in 489 venues. Not even the record.
Have fun!

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