Monday, October 12, 2009

Henry's boat...

The scaffolding and lines ARE NOT Sixteenth CenturyEven as Americans celebrate the conflicting social, political, moral, and historical assertions that are Columbus Day (I like to remember that schools are closed but The Stock Market isn't), those historic ship ghouls over in the U.K. are at it again.
Before everyone starts chastising me for getting all boaty -- or before someone starts warbling a Herman's Hermits tune -- the BBC reports once again on the fascinating, if outlandishly- detailed, ongoing saga of the five hundred year old ship, Mary Rose:

Carefully preserved relics revealing what life was like on board Henry VIII's warship, the Mary Rose, have been revealed for the first time.
A Tudor fiddle and a leather "manbag" are just a few of the items The Mary Rose Trust has allowed to be filmed.
The move marks the launch of the Mary Rose 500 appeal to raise the remaining £4m needed to build the £35m museum at Portsmouth Historic Dockyard.
It also marks the 500th anniversary of the commissioning of the warship.
The Mary Rose sank on 19 July 1545 with the loss of more than 400 lives, after 34 years of service.
The wreck was discovered in the 1960s and in 1982 it was raised to the surface to be restored in dry dock in Portsmouth.
First: I had nothing to do with the sinking. Do you hear me? NOTHING.
Second: I was under the impression that "manbags" were once called "purses" (or merely, "bags") and men carried them because that's where they kept their stuff. As a matter of convenience and not as a clumsy metrosexual affectation or indicator of some fatuous desire to costume as a Pony Express rider.
Third: Polyethylene glycol -- the solution sprayed on the wreck to keep it preserved -- is available over the counter. It's the "miracle laxative," Miralax. There's a snark in there somewhere.
And Finally: Forget Henry's boat. Henry's apparently ginchy second wife, Anne Boleyn, has been portrayed recently by two distinctly different actresses named Natalie.
The softcore cable-teevee version by Natalie Dormer (who has been working for nearly four whole years.)Dormer. Yes, it's a part of a house. A BRICK house! Ow!And on Sesame Street -- alphabetically-accessorized -- by Natalie Portman.'B. Go ahead. You just go right ahead and guess.'

(This presentation includes photographs of Natalie Dormer and Natalie Portman.)


Chuck said...

Thanks for this entry mate. I came back to it several times to find all of the giggles. You made my night at work a lot easier.

PJ said...

As long as I can help our labor force with all the important work that you do, I am gratified.