Tuesday, October 27, 2009

So, then Dallas...

According to a recent Comcast online "click here for more adz" space-filler that people are beginning to mistake for actual information in this New Age, the Republic of Texas seems poised to be the starting block of America's Recovery -- at least as long as it's not seceding or declaring war on Mexico.
As a New Englander, I have never EVER cared about Texas. Except for brief flirtations with a certain former beauty pageant contestant and great respect for the music of Roy, Willie, and Lyle, the place might as well be any stretch of The Beach.
But according to an article in the Washington (DC) Post, the citizens of Texas have packed their economic reality-challenged selves into some sporting stadium to attend the "Losers of Mediocre Speciousness Tour" personneled by moderately popular teevee stars playing "motivational speakers." (For me, "motivational speaking" has a decidedly Eighties cast, so I tend to classify it along with "Madonna Look," "mullet," and "Members Only jackets" in historical relevance.)But one day, I hope to direct.Tejanos might be aware that the very concept of "motivational speaking" was invented here in New England. In fact, I sometimes find myself humming this ol' Jonathan Edwards hit:

The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours.
Which is just a little less catchy than "motivational speaker" George "WhatEVer!" Bush. From the WaPo: Perhaps in a nod to his dismal 22 percent approval ratings when he left office, Bush noted that "popularity is fleeting. . . . It's not real."
My initial reaction to a statement like that is to query the Ex, "What exactly is real? I'm asking because you seemed to have had a pretty tight grip on what is delusion for eight years."
Apparently, the war criminal droned on for 28 minutes before the nervous and polite laughter of the meatwits in the arena started to wane and handlers moved the pre-corpse of the ex-President off the stage to a waiting bag of Cheetos and a glass of O'Doul's.
I remember that one of the annoying teevee entertainers of my youth -- annoying because his dull Sunday show always seemed to precede Sunday's Creature Double Feature -- was Honorary Doctor Reverend Schuller, a sort of Norman Vincent Peale impersonator with a "Special In" with god: a big glass temple. But this time, he went too far: In a pontifical bout of censorship and suppression -- he has insulted this Journal and me personally, while presenting his amputee daughter as some kind of sophist and slacker:
"Cut the word 'impossible' out of your vocabulary!" thundered the Rev. Robert Schuller, televangelist and author. After telling the sad story about his daughter getting her leg amputated after a motorcycle accident, he came back big with an account of her playing baseball, trying for home runs so she wouldn't have to run: "Never look at what you have lost. Look at what you have left."
Not me.
I've already changed the header once this month.
(This presentation features a photograph of Lea Thompson.)

2 comments:

karie said...

Fun post. I was laughing along, as cheerful as can be, and then I clicked on the link to the Washington Post story:

"...the crowd at the 'GET MOTIVATED!' seminar stood up and danced to the Beach Boys' song 'Surfin' USA' and batted around beach balls tossed into the audience."

They whhhaa? No, really? Now I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. But then there is always Lea Thompson's hair-do to pull me back to "what is real." Thank you.

And also, there is the 'Texas leading the recovery' concept. Remove "impossible" from my vocabulary? I really just don't think so.

PJ said...

Rochester MN's own girl-next-door as Beverly always reminds me that Howard the Duck isn't just a bad Lea Thompson movie. It was a truly awful Tim Robbins movie. (Tim Robbins. Not motivational speaker Tony Robbins.)