Friday, July 16, 2010

My New BFF

I have received a great compliment from an unexpected source. Being mentioned in a newspaperographer's online "blog" -- although certainly not a goal of this Journal -- is a very gratifying thing. Primarily, the mention displays admirable journalistic integrity on the part of Jack Spillane, who wiped up the bar remnants of my unlikely admission to a "prank" that involved one of those "best of" lists.
Since I am one of the individuals with a finger on the jugular pulse of Downtown New Bedford who isn't actually trying to suffocate it, I know that few sources of reference can be trusted to supply adequate tidings. I only hope that you reward your particular source proficiently, Shipmate.Also, ''Lo-Cal,'' now that Massachusetts ranks 48th in obesity.My initial reaction to your "blog" entry was, as you would expect: "Why does everyone insist upon putting periods in my name? I don't put them there." (I had them surgically removed after a near-tragic print shop accident. Don't get me started on "full stops.")
I next wiped a bead of glistening mock anxiety from my frontispiece, recalling how I had re-edited the piece to correct spelling and grammatical errors only moments after its publication. (One "there" that should have be a "their" and I really would have lost the cred that was already shaky after I had missed Shatner's birthday last week. At least I didn't forget that today is Phoebe Cates' birthday, or I would be really geek credless.)The only picture I could find that didn't involve a red bikini.
I then realized that I must dash off some piece of drivel like this, tout de suite, to salute the six who would visit the Journal out of the morbid rubbernecking curiosity that everyone gets when someone online refers to another someone's online presence as "very funny."
Since no one ever clicks on links, I know that the few who tried to The Google™ me were misguided to Doctor Who tribute pages. The rest found that I have been rather reticent of late. That's because I was not doing this anymore. I seriously wasn't regularly tapping away at it. But the temptation was far too great when the 1000 Greatest Places List came out. So...

While I might have the attention of someone who is possibly the only other person who feels a penchant -- monetarily-remunerated or not -- to address local concerns, and since he has access to the powers that be (or "powers to be," according to some City Councillors) maybe, Jack, you could help me to sort some of the other New Bedford mysteries that so puzzle me. Such as, "Why don't any of the bars or independant bartenders stock Cream Soda?" "Why are waitresses so damn sensitive about the pronunciation of scallop?" "Why is there only one of everything? Except art galleries and Chinese restaurants?" "Why does everyone say that they hate sushi, but there's sushi available at every supermarket?" "Why does my spell-check refuse to admit 'Bedford?'" and "Why does all the local radio suck so much?' (As a former employee of local radio, I already know "How" it sucks.)
Your editor will probably tell you that I can be relied upon for almost nothing of journalistic consequence -- what with my disdain for it and all --but this is a swell town full of swell people, with the best musicians who still have day jobs. So feel good about that. When the chips are down, remember that everyone has your back, except for the ones who are trying to come up with some sort of plausible explanation for not.
But you probably already knew that.

(This presentation featured an autographed photograph of Phoebe Cates.)


karie said...

and "Yup."
But, NB ROCKS anyway.

Anonymous said...

Must of been a slow news day at the Stranded-Times..

PJ said...

Must have been.

bigsam27 said...

omg phoebe cates... kevin kline is the LUCKIEST guy in the world