Saturday, November 6, 2010

Save the Menagerie!

from The New Bedford Evening Navigator, August 3, 1916...

The members of the Pleasant Companions of The Buttonwood Arboreal Pathways have found themselves at odds with itself over an addition to the Monkey House located in the area specified by the New Bedford Elders and Neighboring Communicators as "the menagerie." What's up with the preponderance of pinups featuring actresses with monkeys? Dolores del Rio.The Associated Acquaintances of Native Animals Not Accustomed to Cages charged that the addition, which is a small masonry structure, is forbidden under the Agreeable Expected Recreation Charter of 1903 & Its Amended Appendices, since Freemasonry is forbidden within park grounds. Debra Paget with an ape that isn't Elvis.
The Associated Acquaintances of Native Animals Not Accustomed to Cages readers may recognize as having been rebuffed and scourged after its members benefitted monetarily when they arranged a philanthropic ball to bring aid to the area's squirrels. Upon closer inspection of those particular squirrels, it was discovered that the squirrels were actually rats with pinecones attached to their tails.
The Fraternal Coterie of Chimpanzee Orang & Gibbon Attendants has already engaged in protracted deliberations about new monkey standards of care, and what those new rules entail for small monkey houses like our beloved Buttowood Monkey House. Lupe Velez with a chimp. Who probably treated her better than that other guy.One combatant in these discussions held that "the little fellows should be sent back to Africa," but when it was discovered that he wasn't referring to the charges of the menagerie, he was persuaded to leave. A woman from the local Suffrage League, who spoke at length about how the monkey house was already big enough and produced a map of Buttonwood Park on which she had drawn a crude outline of a monkey house [shown below] that appears to occupy eight or so acres, was also asked to leave. ''It encroaches upon the velocipede path!'' she insists.Subsequently, another representative of the group used some indiscreet terminology relating to the jettisoning of unmentionable materials. The image is clear to anyone who has ever visited a monkey house.
A new group, The Municipal Partners Attentive to Matters Inconsequential But of Inflated Significance, created at the insistence and also encumbered by the inclusion of former Mayor Brownell Hawthorn Rockdale, has promised to contemplate the matter. It is assumed that they will reconvene as soon as someone can find the end of the sentence which the esteemed Former Mayor had begun three days earlier.
Some things never change.
(This presentation includes photographs of Dolores Del Rio, Debra Paget, and Lupe VĂ©lez.)

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